By Garret Leiva
Community editor
April 30, 2008 04:00 am While my rebate check isn't even in the mail, I've decided to cash in on the American dream of paying bills. I'm so economically stimulated. Earlier this week, the government started depositing thousands of rebate checks in taxpayers' bank accounts in hopes of defibrillating the US economy. Taking the pulse of the American people, a recent Associated Press poll showed that 35 percent said they would use their refund check to pay utility, credit card and other bills. Even though I don't fall into this particular +/- 4 percent sampling margin of error, I am just another percentage. Like many Americans, the sum of our rebate check will go toward the gritty reality of bills incurred during flights of fantasy. In our case it was Fantasy Land and the rest of Walt Disney World. At least we got to take a vacation from reality for awhile -- kind of like the governing body behind these rebates. My $1,500 rebate check is small change in the $168 billion economic stimulus package enacted in February. The Internal Revenue Service should have completed 2.4 million direct deposits by today -- better check your bank account. Knowing how our government works, a few binary digits might get crossed. In other words, some guy named Chet in What Cheer, Iowa might single-handedly stimulate the economy with 2.4 million direct deposits. With the specter of recession looming, or at least basic cable depression setting in, Americans are sitting on their wallets. In these tough economic times, and in the spirit of satirist Jonathan Swift, I too have a modest proposal. Instead of eating children, however, it is your patriotic duty to go on a rebate spending spree. Here are some ideas: -- Buy 750 $2 scratch-off lottery tickets. Who knows, you might win $5. With this kind of investment return on your résumé you might be head architect of the next $168 billion economic stimulus package. -- Purchase a new bicycle to replace the car you can't afford to drive with gas at $3.75 a gallon. Or just dust off that Huffy in the garage and spend the $1,500 on prepaid visits to the chiropractor or local ER. -- Set up a line of credit with the corner gas station by signing over your rebate check. I'd go for the fixed gas price rate instead of the complimentary case of Twinkies. -- To combat rising food prices buy 9,000 packages of 6 for $1 Ramen Noodles. Now all you need to do is add that Y2K water stored in the crawl space, heat, and enjoy sticking it to The Man. -- Buy a pair of $1,500 alligator skin cowboy boots. It will give you something interesting to look at while you walk to work if the Huffy doesn't pan out. Just set aside a few bucks for Band-Aids -- blisters happen. Personally, I'd love to stimulate the economy by dragging home a $1,500 vintage project car. However, with sky-high scrap metal prices, one man's junk is worth more than this man's flat earnings. Paying bills is never stimulating -- economically or otherwise -- when the spent check is in the mail.
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Garret Leiva, Community editor