Published: April 01, 2008 07:15 pm            

Garret Leiva: Guitar heroics child's play for some people

What kid hasn't dreamt about playing guitar in a rock 'n' roll band? Not merely play, but stand on stage a bona fide guitar hero.

While I never realized that rock god moment, a flicker of hope remained. That hope was snuffed out by someone smaller than a six string Stratocaster.

It all started with an innocent invite for a friendly family get-together with classmates of our daughter. Over dinner we chatted about kindergarten, kids, careers and other easily digested topics. Then from the cookie crumb lips of the lone 6-year-old boy in the room, a challenge was issued: "I want to battle Mr. Garret." He said it with a chocolate-chip smeared grin, so how could I refuse.

Now before you think ill of me "battling" a 6 year old in arm wrestling, mumblety-peg or wits, this contest would be in the virtual realm -- unless you count the fake plastic guitars.

While not a total video game novice, I had never tried my hand at "Guitar Hero." In retrospect I might have had better luck using my feet. As premises go, the game seemed simple enough: play the "notes" on screen by hitting the right color buttons on your guitar. So simple even a child could do it; a hapless 37-year-old man -- not so much.

As battles go, Davy Crockett faced better odds at The Alamo. I didn't stand a chance.

Scary can't begin to describe a 6-year-old playing Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" note-for-note; a song that came out the year I was born. Frightening because I've reached the classic category in music -- and life.

So the pint-size "Guitar Hero" prodigy played while jumping off the furniture, as I failed to hit two notes in a row. I plodded along, staring intently at the TV like I was trying to solve a calculus problem. I stop trying altogether when the kid started doing one-arm Pete Townshend windmill power chords.

Now adults will often ease up before the finish line to let a kid win. I've even gone so far as to feign a pulled hamstring or take a dive during a Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots bout. However, sweating profusely during a video game means you're trying too hard -- win or lose.

Thankfully the kids took pity on me and I joined their "Rock Band" for another video game challenge. I was lead singer, but by default, not because of a stellar vocal range. See I'm the only one that can read all the nouns, verbs and adjectives scrolling across the screen. I give them until first grade, tops, before I'm out of the band.

So much for rock 'n' roll heroics.

        

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