This Sunday millions of men will receive a tie, gadget or gizmo destined for the back of the closet. For most men, it is the greatest gift in the world -- fatherhood that is.
So to every dad, daddy, daddy-o, pops, pa, sir and Old Man, I raise my #1 Dad coffee mug in solidarity. Father's Day is that one calendar holiday when men are forbidden to mow the lawn, encouraged to play golf, and given TV remote carte blanche.
For at least one day, father knows best -- or at least everyone plays along.
Personally, the third Sunday in June means the giant greeting cards return to sender. As a kid, each year I had to say Happy Father's Day in a big way. While other Father's Day card shoppers hemmed and hawed over style and substance, I went straight for substantial. If the card was bigger than Webster's New World Dictionary it was a keeper.
Now it's my turn to open Father's Day cards featuring "dad" animals driving a car or performing other impossible tasks for those without opposable thumbs. Let's face it, when you're a child nothing says "I love you dad" like a greeting card milled from a sequoia forest.
Like ice cream to cake, along with a card comes the obligatory Father's Day gift. Of course ties are to Father's Day as fruitcakes are to Christmas -- except Aunt Gertrude's recipe is less flame-retardant than polyester. Electronics are another perennial pick, as are sporting good items and tools for the wreck-it-yourselfer.
Just remember, no dad really wants to unwrap a box of some assembly required. The only kind of screwdriver that should be picked up is one involving orange juice, not slotted or Phillips head.
Comedian Bill Cosby noted that "fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." My dad had to feign delight for Aqua Velva. I've had to get a bit giddy about Gillette razors. However, it is the thought from a certain six-year-old girl that counts. I'd rather unwrap personal grooming products from the heart, than a plasma TV from aisle five.
So when my wife asks what I would like for Father's Day, I give the pat "nothing really" answer -- the verbal equivalent of a shoulder shrug. Which means take your pick of book, CD or chopped and channeled '32 Ford coupe. Although I am getting low on shaving cream.
Admittedly, the latest Father's Day gadget, gizmo or grooming product might end up in the closet -- or perhaps next to the #1 Dad coffee mug. In the end, it doesn't matter. After all, the greatest gift rides behind me in the pink car booster seat.
While her feet don't touch the floorboard, everyday she touches my heart -- including the third Sunday in June.
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