Tomorrow, the fourth Thursday in November, is a time to give thanks -- for lumpy gravy and antacid tablets.
With the economy drying out faster than an overcooked turkey, this year it's time to take elbows off the table in appreciation of simple things. Food, fellowship and football add up to a day of thankful reflection and belt-loosening indigestion.
Thanksgiving stands out as conspicuous consumption decreed a legal holiday. Myself, I hunger for a Thanksgiving holiday stuffed with traditions -- some not related to the white or dark meat dilemma.
My family remains Jell-O salad with banana slices Thanksgiving traditionalists. We are not alone in our staunch adherence to serving up tried-and-true with all the trimmings. According to Internet-based statistics culled from sources more suspect than fat-free rice pudding, 91 percent of Americans eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day. Of course, there was the tofurkey incident of 2003 that emotionally scarred even the vegetarians gathered around our table.
Thankfully, both sides of the family contribute annually to the 40 million green bean casserole contingency. However, the dried onions versus potato chip topping -- not such a harmonious subject.
While we outgrew the kids' card table decades ago, the carving knife was just recently passed to the next generation. It seems the "kids" had to reach at least age 40 before being entrusted with a sharp utensil. The main course, however, remains a senior family member responsibility.
Truthfully, I'm perfectly fine with taking a Thanksgiving backseat -- as long as I can reach the stuffing.
Shortly after the last gravy-soaked dish is cleared from the table, family members begin the post-Thanksgiving dinner ritual. First, the belt is let out a few notches -- unless you had the gluttonous foresight to wear sweatpants. Next, you fall into a couch cushion or nearby first cousin as the turkey tryptophan trips you up. To make the most of your food coma nap, however, you need one last sleep aid: Detroit Lions football.
Right around the yearly fourth-quarter debacle, Thanksgiving comes full circle around the desserts. Three hours ago you were inhaling fistfuls of black olives, now you can barely stomach the thought of pumpkin pie. It makes you wonder how the first Thanksgiving lasted for three days. Evidently, the pilgrims knew how to pace the seethed lobster and sallet herbs.
After all, while the New World provided a cornucopia of thanksgiving, it lacked 24-hour convenience stores and antacid tablets.
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